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Thursday, May 18, 2017

People watching,... yeah I used to do that a lot. But these days, I don't get to do that anymore. Life gets too busy with other things. Work is not stressful, it's just I find myself too tired for anything else. Even if I take B12 vitamins, it's just not working for me. Even if I take melatonin to help me get a restful sleep. It's because I stay up too late and expect to be all fine and dandy after getting only 6 hours sleep. But that's what I used to do a couple of months ago. I must do something to get that energy back. I need more motivation I must have forgotten that thing that keeps me going. A goal, well even if I put that on my alarm clock it doesn't work anymore. Maybe I should try and do people watching after work while I'm walking the puppy. But then I realized my hubby is coming back from his trip tomorrow. I'm gonna need to clean up the kitchen and maybe do groceries so that we don't have to over the weekend. Don't you think that's a very good idea? Well then, let's make a list. Laundry/Dishes/Dusting & Vaccum/Recycle/Good Will Box/Clean Toilet/Grocery I probably add more on the list later maybe, but then I'll be too tired. I'll have to pick up some flea meds for my puppy too so I definitely have to stop at the store after work.

Sunday, August 12, 2012
Coffee with dinner, not a good idea.

I can't sleep, because I had a glass of ice coffee with my dinner. I knew it wass not a good idea but I still had some. So here I am I tried to go to bed around 12 midnight but I just lay there for an hour just tossing and turning and stuff running in my head till I felt hungry and decided to get up and eat something. Then after that I sat infront of the computer just browsing through my facebook. And there goes again, first thing that I saw on the newsfeed. My 3 highschool friends with thier baby breastfeeding. What the hell is that >.<. I envy them for that matter. They get married with thier highschool sweethearts and have cute babies. They even got married years after me... mas nauna pa ako nag asawa but then again look. Such frustration and dissapointment again. I wish I cold learn to be fascinated by this but I just can't do it. I tried to keep myself busy with other nonsense stuff that don't really matter,.. gaming and gaming and more online gaming, but still nothing's change I'm still the same me no matter how I try to cover it up. In my heart I'm yearning for that something.

Yeah, so heart I am again ranting about my drama's of wanting and supposed to be this and and not that. That's all I'm doing,.. hopefully somehow this blogging will help me set my mind. Now what am I gonna do, what am I gonna say. When I'm laying in bed there's so many tings i wanna say but now I'm here words seem to be out of nowhere. ..have to stop for a while and think.  I should not be thinking of what I'm gonna say... I supposed to just write what I have in mind, and thats how it supposed to. So there I have my eyeglasses on and that is much better I can see what I'm typing you know. Sigh...

Friday, August 10, 2012

I'm afraid to give you my all, I'm afraid to love you completely. What if behind your beautiful face and kind words you are just bribing me. Maybe you are just reeling me in until you turn around and drop me. I'd fall so far and never be able to recover, I wish I could see the ending sometimes. I would know if I should hold on to you and keep going or just let it all end before I get up too high.

Sunday, August 05, 2012
Mumbling thoughts

I'm supposed to be sleeping right now, but I just couldn't. There's just so many things mumbling inmy head that I need to let out through this, since I can't just tell anyone. Well I can tell someone but I'm just not ready to tell all.


Thursday, July 19, 2012
What am I thinking?....

What am I thinking about? Well... yeah about that.. you pretty much know about this and that .. here and there... Things going on with my life lately. There's not much of any changes at all.. at least those changes that I don't even notice happening while I'm busy putting my head into someting rather more important for me right now. I always say that.. I wish things are a little bit more different or easier. But you know what... if things are any bit different then it would not be the same.. it might be even worst... come to think of it.

I don't even know if I am sure about these things if doing.. all I know is.. there must be something about it that I should take the risk to figure out. Well it's not the curiosity... I'm just really longing for that happiness.

Sunday, May 06, 2012
New Apartment

So finally we've move out of the apartment at The Colony in Casa Grande Arizona and now we are here in The ClockTower in Beaverton, Oregon. Such a big change.. Specially on the weather... here is so wet and cold...while in Arizona is dry and hot. But so far so good I can deal with that. Casa grande is a small town, while here it's a big place.. small cities right next to each other pretty much like in California but a lil better... for me I dunno about other people if they prefer California better, I've lived there for like 3 years and it's ok I like it there.. but I think I'm gonna like it here more.

Saturday, April 21, 2012

Here I was thinking that everything is freakin' complicated about my life right now. Which is true but I know how to uncomplicate them. Oh Yeah! By simply doing the right thing. But... Doing the right thing means saying goodbye and heartache and pain. How can this be the right thing if Im not gonna be happy with it? This is just awful! I can't think anymore. For once I tried to save myself and choose to be happy... But it sems so hard to do when I have to keep sacrificing for my family. With that being said do they understand that I want to be happy too?. Do they know how I really feel. Can I just stop sacrificing for them and choose to be happy? Why can't I be happy without sacrificing my feelings... My life... Which i lost long time ago and now I can see it again but things are holding me back to keep on living...

Sunday, September 25, 2011

I did nothing all day but watch tv and yet I feel so tired. I'm so bored.

Sunday, July 24, 2011
Update:Weekend with in laws

I am here in oh what ever its so noisy enough to keep typing about nothing on my blog right now... I'll think about this and continue the rest on my iPhone, oh yeah I can do it on my iPhone too, pretty sweet. Well anyways I dunno anymore, I'm starting to get cold in this room, and the other guy is typing so loud and fast like me, so I will just keep on typing about nothing. Nothing... yeah about nothing just like how I feel so uncomfortable at the breakfast this morning because I don't feel like Im wearing appropriate clothing. Oh there you go again mom stops me, she must be wondering what I've been typing here, so she ask what I am typing here? a book? lol that's just silly. Anyways I should stop for now, its getting so noisy already with this clakity clack clak what the heck lol. ok done bye bye for now.

Tuesday, March 22, 2011
But untill then..

Do you ever get that feeling where you don't want to talk to anybody? You don't want to smile and you don't want to fake being happy. But at the same time you don't know exactly what's wrong either. There isn't a way to explain it to someone who doesn't already understand. If you could want anything in the world it would be to be alone. People have stopped being comforting and being along never was. At least when you're alone no one will constantly ask you what is wrong and there isn't anyone who won't take 'I don't know' for an answer. You feel the way you do just because. You hope the feeling will pass soon and that you will be able to be yourself again, but until then all you can do is wait.

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